Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
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