I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
