I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
