So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
My vagina is officially offended.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
