how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
