I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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