Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
