i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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