i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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