I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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