Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
