you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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