Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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