How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
