so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
