This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
