she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
