DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
