I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
