They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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