not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
