I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Oh god it's open bar.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
