Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i permit you to call me
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
