Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
