How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I just blew my weed a kiss
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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