Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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