the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
