oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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