its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
