Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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