i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
His hands were made for my vagina.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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