i think my mom watched the whole time
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
This toilet bowl is my home.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
