he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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