omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
he fucked my hip out of place.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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