i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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