Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
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