there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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