This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
