I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
