I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
