We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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