I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
