how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
