I want to walk on stilts...naked
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
My ass is underappreciated
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
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