Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
