I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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