with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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