I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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