the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
