Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
