Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
FUCK WHALES
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
