yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
